Monday, May 28, 2007

I'm totally sorry I killed your dude.

How was I supposed to know what would happen when I pressed that button?

Now the adventurers are all mad at me because the NPC they were talking to is all perforated and icky. Ickier than he was to begin with, I mean. That goo from his insides is totally everywhere now. Super-gross. No wonder they talk about dwarves having high constitutions. They totally need it.

I don't see what the big deal is, it's not like they listen to NPCs anyway.

Seriously, if they did, wouldn't they be off attempting to rescue the princess by now?

Lord Evil Guy is going to be wondering what's taking so long. But he did specifically state that under no uncertain circumstances or whatever was I to return without Percival and his party.

Every time I try to find that stupid Paladin I meet up with these dudes, so they'll have to be good enough.

Hey, I wonder if Percival's bones are part of that staircase?

No, that doesn't make any sense, this tomb was all yellow-and-blue-makes-green before he was even born. Oh well.

Oh yuck! That little dude is totally stripping the dead dude! EW!

Now the snooty elf is all "You are NOT wearing that!" and I'm all, high-five, sister, or I would be if she didn't look like she would freeze me inside a block of ice if I offered her a mitten.

Why would anyone keep that nasty stuff? That's totally creepy.

Lord Evil Guy doesn't keep nasty stuff like that. Real evil is, like, fastidious.

Did you ever see "Sleeping With The Enemy"?

If a dwarf wore it for like, hundreds of years, then died messily in it. Drop it in quicklime, not your backpack. Thanks be to the Ancients that the little dude is not actually trying to put the rat pants on.

That shirt is actually dripping bits of dwarf out of it. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Now the big guy's all "Can you raise him?" and the old guy's like "Uh, there's like a hundred little chunks, and I'm like, level 5. Even if I could, he'd be naked."

Nobody wants to see a naked dwarf.

There was this one time, and Lord Evil Guy was like... wait, you know what, I better not tell that story.

Okay, bye.