Sunday, April 23, 2006

Today was the worst day ever.


What a horrible day!

I'm so sad for anybody new to my blog. The marketing guild sent me a nasty note today saying that I cheated and reported more people see their advertisements than they believe. I didn't cheat! I don't even know how to cheat at advertising! Just when I would have earned $100 they went and took it all back, and cancelled my account.

That would be offensive enough, but my whole years worth of blog went with it! Gone.

So if you didn't read about how I came to be working for Lord Evil Guy before now, you missed your chance. Maybe some day I'll feel like telling that story again. But not tonight.

Tonight I tell about Lord Meriddyn's tower.

Lord Evil Guy calls me over and says to me, "Imp, I want you to deliver a message to Lord Meriddyn's tower."

Off I went. It wasn't until I got there that I realized that I had no idea what the message was, so I had to go all the way back.

"What's the message boss?"

I think he was angry about something because he had to take a deep breath before he told me. The message is: "Your miserable attempts to save the kingdom of Paledonia have failed. Lord Evil Guy has anticipated your plans. You will never succeed in recovering the sacred artifacts of Saint Dominica. Your father's sacrifice will be in vain!"

Then he grabbed my tail!

"Where are you going?" Lord Evil Guy asked me.
"To Lord Meriddyn's tower!" I chewed on my fork. He was making me nervous.
"Why are you going there?"
"Because you asked me to, sir!"
"And what did I ask you do to?"
"To go to Lord Meriddyn's tower!"
Lord Evil Guy sighed. I don't know what got into him today. "Why did I ask you to go to Lord Meriddyn's tower?"
"Did you forget too?"

He hit me. I would have sailed across his chamber, but he still held on to my tail. That really hurt!

Lord Evil Guy asked me again, "Why did I ask you to go to Lord Meriddyn's tower?"
"To deliver a message?"
"That's correct. To whom will you deliver this message?"

Oh! That's what this was about. He hadn't actually said yet.

I thought about it, not wanting him to hit me again. The message mentioned 'your father's sacrifice' so it had to be the son or daughter of someone Lord Evil Guy had killed recently. There was that recent incident with the Templar Knight... "Sukiyama's kid?"

Lord Evil Guy smiled. "His name is Percival. He's a Paladin. You'll find him traveling in a party of six adventurers." And he let my tail go.

How was I supposed to know that ALL parties of adventurers have 6 people in them? I'd already given the message when I found out that they weren't the right people. No Percival anywhere!

Lord Evil Guy was not pleased. He made me tell him who these adventurers were that got his message. How was I supposed to know to pay attention to such things? I told him what I could remember, and he got all excited about one of the girls. Humans are so weird! Then he sent me back for Percival again.

This time I found him, but he only had 5 people in his party. And they were all dead. When Lord Evil Guy finds out, I'm going to be in so much trouble...

I hope he doesn't read my blog.

3 Comments:

Blogger Lord EvilGuy said...

Hope is a weak and useless crutch for foolish minds to lean upon. Instead of 'hoping' that I don't read your blog, you should have made it impossible for me to read your blog - but such plots are beyond your meagre capabilities. And that is why YOU are my Impish minion and I am LORD EvilGuy.

When you get back to the castle - which should be as soon as possible - I have some more work for you to do. By the way, stop at the store and pick up some milk, cigarettes, and quicklime.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Imp said...

Cigarettes? But you don't smoke...

3:54 PM  
Blogger Imp said...

OW! I mean... yes SIR, Lord EvilGuy, SIR!

3:54 PM  

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